Rambolic

Does anybody know where I put my theme? And before you ask, I can’t remember where I last had it. I’m rubbish at upgrading things.

Guys, really. Because I’ve felt a bit shitty this week, I ache a little and I’ve got a headache, it does not mean I’ve got fucking swine flu. Okay, so I’ve got 10 of the 12 symptoms… but I can’t afford the time off work, so leave it be.

If you haven’t heard anything about the whole expenses row in Parliament then you must be deaf-blind or something. For those people, there’s basically a huge ordeal about British MPs claiming funds they’re not entitled to; primarily regarding MPs living in Outer London claiming allowances for a second home in the centre of London. There is a huge question mark over whether MPs should be claiming funds for a second home, period. But the main issue in the limelight is MPs claiming for houses that are already paid for, as well as a few other instances where they’re not entitled.

Not long ago Eric Pickles MP, Chairman of the Conservative Party, was a guest on the BBC show Question Time with Jonathan Dimbleby. Not surprisingly the issue of allowances was brought up by Jonathan and various members of the audience. I found this quite amusing:

Well, you get the idea. It was also mentioned by another MP on the panel that most MPs do not claim this allowance even if they are entitled to it, stating that the hours of Parliament have actually changed and the doors now close earlier, meaning that a second home is no longer necessary.

However, the press obviously caught wind of this a while ago and, as per usual, blew it completely out of proportion. Every day we’re hearing about this MP and that MP claiming when they’re not entitled, and some have resigned, and others repaid the debt. Of course, the press interviewed members of the Public and all they seem to think about is “are we going to get a refund in the way of lower taxes?” Do these people actually realise the sheer volume of money involved in taxes? Do they really think it’s going to make such a huge difference to them? It probably doesn’t amount to a penny per head. Another is likening it to petty fraud whereby members of the public may be imprisoned for tax avoidance, etc. the popular opinion in the press seems to be that the same should happen to MPs.

Anyway, the question I’m trying to portray is does this really matter in the great scheme of things? Politicians are usually there because they’re good at what they do, and they’ve proven it in their local constituencies. Is imprisoning them for this kind of petty issue really the right resolution? Seriously, compared to what’s going on in the UK country-wide, and worldwide, it really isn’t that big of a deal! There are much more important issues we should be tackling. I’m not really going to go into what I think here. I think it’s easy for people to realise there are far more unjust things going on that we need to be working on.

I’ll just leave you with this video of a BBC journalist who collared the genius of Stephen Fry and asked him about the whole ’scandal.’

Sunday, 13:37. I’m minding my own business when my phone beeps.

“U briten up my day 2 lol xoxo”

Ugh… I hate txt spk. Anyway, I text back saying “Who’s this?”

“Danielle hus dis”

I don’t know any Danielle, apart from one girl from school I’ve got on Facebook but not spoken to since I was about 12, and I don’t think she has much of a reason to text me.  I explain that I’m Alan, and get the obligatory “sory . . Didnt mean 2 txt u” and so I think nothing more of it.

Well, later I get a another text…

“Hey xoxo”

Um… okay. I understand people make mistakes, but twice in a day is a bit odd… but I correct her anyway – “Still Alan ”

“I no ”

FFS, learn some english! Anyway, I’m bored so I ask who she is.

“Its a mystery. . . Where u from?x”

I explain I’m from Bradford, and return the question.

“Newscastle. . . Wanna get dwn n dirty?”

Haha… Well, that takes me back a few years when everybody was cyber-sex mad, and I’d sit there explaining how I’d accidentally nudged the table and knocked the candle over and set the curtains on fire, to be greeted with some abuse before they blocked me. But… I don’t know anything about this one – for all I know she could be 14. So I ask, obviously. People don’t lie. Do they?

“21 wbu?”

21… explains a bit. It probably explains she’s 17 or something. I tell her I’m 28. No point in lying here. She carries on.

“Send me a dirty txt!”

I want to be in charge of this conversation… I don’t want to be merely an entertainment device for a group of mates, so I tell her.

“No . . Im on my own plz”

It’s not enough for me, so I tell her to set the scene. Could be interesting…

“Alone in a club. In da bathroom.. … Wot would u do 2 me when u find me?”

Alone in a club? What kind of scene is this? Erm… “Sounds like a shit club to me…”

“Amateur!”

I must be really bored to have transcribed this. Sorry.

I’m sat watching the US election footage.  It’s always a close call.  I actually find it quite unnerving how evenly divided the US presidential elections are.  How can a nation be so evenly split?  It’s bizarre.

Honestly?  The Republican party scare me.  It would concern me if they won office.  I’m not going to pretend that I’ve read either party’s proposed policies and the like, but I’ve read quite a bit about them, watched interviews, watched the three debates, etc.  My main concern is Senator McCain’s attitude towards the matters at hand, and his answers to the questions asked in the debates would really worry me if he wins the election.  When asked a question his standard response seems to be an “I care about the people,” followed by a “Senator Obama did this wrong and said this,” and concluding with “and I know how to fix the problem.”  Now, I’m sorry, but that doesn’t answer any questions.  He’s also taking the “I’ll lower taxes” route as well, which we all know is bollocks because we all know lowering taxes is never the solution anyway.  And someone needs to tell him that buying debt doesn’t rid of debt.

Obama, on the other hand, at least gives some indication on how he intends to combat the issues at hand without the need to call on peoples’ sympathy.  By all accounts he plans to withdraw troops from Iraq fairly quickly.  To be honest, I’m not entirely sure this is the best idea, but I did (accidentally) attend a march in York against the Iraq war.  I never wanted to see troops sent there in the first place, but we’re there now.  I still don’t want troops there, but pulling out quickly would be foolish and probably quite dangerous.  McCain wants a gradual withdrawal of presence.  I suppose this is the only point on which we agree.  That said, we need to start looking at our home countries.

A few people have reminded me that I live in the UK, but I think that some people in the US need to remember that we sniff your arses – it does actually make sense for us to take an interest.

Anyway, I’m tired and I’m probably not making much sense so I’m going to carry on with my TV related multi-tasking.

[edit]

I have to admit it was a generous speech from John McCain.

A few days ago BBC Radio 2 broadcast Russell Brand’s scheduled radio show for the last time for the foreseeable future. Jonathan Ross was a guest co-presenter, and they had scheduled to run a telephone interview with Andrew Sachs, most famous for playing Manuel in Fawlty Towers. Ross called Sachs, and the phone rang a few times before his answering machine kicked in (who uses them still?) Brand is hardly the withdrawn type, and launched into four consecutive less-than-polite (but funny nonetheless) answerphone messages. I’ll refrain from the details – you can Google for the transcript or listen to it on Youtube. In short there were references to Brand’s sexual relationship with Sachs’ granddaughter, and some fun was poked.

There’s no question about whether they should or shouldn’t have done so – it was clearly wrong. However, the BBC, at last count, reported that over 30,000 people have lodged complaints about the show.  This has caused a huge ruction in the press too, and the public called for the resignation of both Brand, and also Ross (who is probably one of the highest paid BBC entertainers).

Now, I’m all for sensibility and standards, but this is getting quite stupid now.  The media, in particular the BBC who seem to enjoy wallowing in their own downfalls, have blown this entirely out of proportion.  The show was aired on the 18th of October 2008.  After the show, the BBC received ONE complaint from a Ms Pool about the content of the show, voicing concern for Sachs.  At this stage I’ll point out that this was a pre-recorded show from two days previous, and I understand that the BBC and Sachs had been in contact, and the decision was made, by Sachs, to go ahead with the show pending an edit.  He actually authorised the BBC to broadcast the calls, but even if he hadn’t, he had time to stick his oar in.  If the BBC really were making such a huge mistake surely it would have been pulled immediately.  Following these complaints Brand apologised for the offense caused, but added “it was funny though.”

It seems that when the press reported that there had been an undisclosed amount of complaints about the show, and broadcast snippets of the calls made, more and more people wrote to complain.  I mentioned earlier that 30,000 complaints had already been received, but I’ll bet that this number is fast approaching, or maybe already exceeding, the number of listeners who actually heard the show.  Complaints aside, if you are scheduled to perform a telephone interview on the UK’s most popular radio station then you have the consideration to actually be present at home to take the call.  If you’re not there to take the call you’re leaving two quick-witted comedians with a quarter hour to fill with ad-lib… and yes, they will take the piss.

What really riles me is that following the number of complaints that the show eventually received the show was mentioned in the House of Commons.  Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but given the current climate we have far better things to be discussing in Parliament than a couple of jokers leaving some naughty voicemails.  Subsequently the BBC took Brand and Ross off air indefinitely pending invetigation, Brand has since resigned from his radio show, Ross has been suspended without pay for twelve weeks and has also stepped down from presenting the British Comedy Awards – the first he will have not presented in seventeen years.  Oh yeah,  and then BBC Radio 2’s controller, Leslie Douglas, has resigned.

I think the whole point of this is that good comedy is irreverent, is off-beat, is offensive.  Good comedy is having a laugh at somebody else’s expense.  The way we are going comedy is going to be so toned down that it will almost be a bad drama.  Actually, looking at which comedies are being commissioned at the moment, most already are.  There are only two people who have a right to be upset, and that’s Sachs and his granddaughter.  Sachs has been quite reserved and put it down to a learning curve on Brand’s expense.  That given, I’m not entirely sure what all the fuss is about.

Oh yes, he’s here:

I promised I’d post about stuff but it’s kind of old news now.  That and I can’t actually remember half of it.

Anyway, last week at work I was talking to a guy called Davy Jones and I made some crack about Pirates of the Caribbean, and proceeded with some nervous laughter, and he was just silent.  Turns out he’s never heard that one (I couldn’t work out if he was serious) but let me know he’s normally confused with the drummer in The Monkees.  From here I decided to stay off the puns for a while.

Last week I had a customer called John Kettley.  For those of you under 25 here’s an explanation… and for those of you over 25 it’ll be a flashback to 1988:

To cut a long story short we messed up and he ended up driving 100 miles to us to get it sorted.  I happened to be in the shop so I actually spoke to him.  As it turns out it was ‘the’ John Kettley.  Good job I didn’t make any weather puns really!

Okay, I’ll post soon letting you know what shenanigans I’ve been up to, but in the meantime here’s a ninja cat that can come closer without moving!  Al xx

It seems I’m getting a lot of hits from people looking for Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw’s Zero Punctuation.  Completely not by design my domain seems to attract people looking for his website, presumably because his personal website is Fully Ramblomatic and you crazy people seem to have a habit of typing Rambolic.

I’m actually a big fan of his work and I have a link o’er yonder, but if you’re looking for him and you’ve found me, well, I’m not him and you need click him over there in the links bit.